Election 2100

Election 2100 - A Very Offensive Short Story

Representative Tracy Smith took to the podium. Dear Ladies of Congress, It's with great importance today that I address the continuing problems of white male supremacy. We have only made small gains since the Late Night Talk Show revolt. My grandmother was there on that day. Where Trevor Noah and Jimmy Kimmel led that valiant charge. It took the combined effort of the diverse companies Google, Yahoo, Facebook, and Reddit along with the great comedic minds of the time to start the change needed. Through technology we were able to first silence and then eradicate all the white men from media, But white supremacy is still an issue that we must continue to fight.

It is difficult to believe that companies existed with white, straight males at any leadership position. It was only 40 years ago that the last straight male was removed from the internet. Now we have the computer power to decide for us without voting. The thrill of Google's voting algorithm which chooses the American president from a pool of only black lesbian females. But this is not enough my sisters. The algorithm still allows black lesbian females that were born in the United States of America to become an American president. This is a travesty that echos the racism of the past.

It was just five years ago that Reddit showed us the story of Camila Jackson. The entire story showed to us in 30 seconds of video. Camila needed to defecate, She has no time to go to the restroom. She needed to do it on the table at the restaurant. When a white man came up and asked her to stop. Then he proceeded to beat her fist with his face. Fortunately, the man was tracked down and promptly arrested. I see you out there Camila, Rep of Nebraska. Thank you for your courage and we all enjoy the smell of your feces in these halls.

Now, The election begins. A computer with Google printed on one side and Starbucks on the other was wheeled in. A large printer beside it. Tracy announced "now ladies, let the voting begin". The computer started printing out names in large letters while the monitor would periodically flash "blockchain", "machine learning", "reddit", "science is awesome", "data driven analytics".

Ten names were printed out on a large piece of plastic. "Now for the human carbon element, Camila Jackson please deposit the carbon mass". The representative of Nebraska defecated in the middle of the plastic covered with names.

Tracy Smith announced "Now, For the fluid queens, Please come down". Ten bearded women in dresses surrounded the plastics, pulled out their penises and began urinating on the plastic until the feces began to float around the plastic.

Bill Nye's grandson came down dressed in a lab coat. He pulled out a ruler and found the largest chunk of feces on one name. "Ladies we have a president".